Daddy’s Little Girl

“Butterfy Kisses” my first choice for my bridal march. Listening to the song makes want to bawl out, it’s such a a beautiful song. I have a love-hate relationship with this song. Why? I never was close to my father; I grew up without a father you see. He was working in Saudi and I grew up with my grandparents and my nanny (to whom I’m more close to than with any of my parents.). I only remember seeing his pictures and getting goodies when he went home. It’s a sad fact really that I grew up not knowing him. Can’t really remember having a nice and comfortable chitchat with him.

How I envy my friends when they said that their daddy would accompany them shopping. How I envy those who can easily sit on their daddy’s lap and just talk spontaneously about the highlights of their day.

I vividly remember when I was in Grade 5, I was having a hard time in my Math assignment and I shyly went to him and asked for help, since he’s a whiz at those things. Maybe because I was too afraid or I got a really low I.Q. that I couldn’t quite get his explanation. I guess he was really frustrated, I don’t really know but he kicked me. Imagine the hurt and betrayal I was feeling at that time. That was such a painful experience that I grew up hating my father. Just asking talking to him gives me the shivers. So you see why I can’t simply use the song. I never had that kind of relationship with my father, I guess the song just makes me long for what I didn’t have. My father has asked for forgiveness during a “Healing of the Family tree” session but I can’t quite bring myself to do it because I know subconsciously that I still hated him.
I know that I should confront this issue but I still don’t have the courage because the feeling is still too raw.

I’m back

See told you I would post.. . I’ve decided that I liked it here more. I just have to well, make this blogsite more “personalized”. Call me fickle but hey I’m a girl, I’m entitled to be one. I’ll post you know useless thoughts on livejournal and poems, insights and realizations on this blogsite. So there, I’ll be maintaining 2 and another one soon.

Attack of Me

Forgetful me strikes again. I wondered why I couldn’t enter the site and belatedly remembered that I changed my password to which I racked my brain again to remember my new password. Oh well, I would not be me if I can remember things. That what makes me unique di ba? hehehe

Just informing my readers that I have a new journal :

http://www.livejournal.com/users/aneshka/
and also: http://www.livejournal.com/~aneshka/

why the switch? Well it has more features and I liked it more as simple as that. I’ll be updating the live journal from now on or if I feel the …. itch I may post in this blogsite.